Sabbath

Yay! Finally got my blog to work. Everything is switching over to google and I like to think that I am technologically savvy but it gave me some grief.

This weekend I went on a ladies retreat w/ Gayla and the ladies of Willis. It was really nice, the focus being on uber-business. Ummm....yes! Haha, I actually took away a lot of good stuff from it and want to set some new goals.

The first thing I really took away was how controlling I am with somethings, to the point that I have had a lot of trouble praying about it because I don't want to give up the control and trust that God will put me where s/he wants me. Specifically, I have had this mental block with praying about finding a job. Maybe its fear or lack of trust that God will want me in a place I am unwilling to go, but my gifts may be needed. So my first goal was to pray everyday that God would give me the desire and trust to go where he wants me.

The second thing I really appreciated was the focus on intentional rest, solitude, and sabbath. I LOVE Sundays where we go to church, have a long lunch, take a nap and a bike ride and generally just play and rest. Like so many things....there is always a *however* and I'd really like to spend more time on Sundays, if not the whole day than most of the day, intentionally resting and NOT WORKING. Doesn't that sound wonderful?

Along with sabbath, comes the discipline of simplicity- something I've been striving for and kind of hitting and missing for a long time. If you've been following, I've really been wanting to fix more budget friendly meals at home that don't take a million years, and we have really been working on it, but I know there is more we can do. Some possible ideas: eating simply when too tired to cook like sandwhiches/canned soup instead of getting fastfood, less meat/gourmet items (stickler for fun stuff) which would mean more meatless meals hmm..., less nonessentials. I feel like a lot of our grocery bill is stuff we don't really need- likes cokes and candy which are tasty but not necessary.

I also find that I check my email a LOT, especially at night. I would like to reduce the amount of time in the evening I spend on the computer-kind of ironic since its past midnight and here I am blogging :) But, it has been found to cause stress and reduce sleep right before bed, so shutting down earlier would be great. I know I can't every night, that is too lofty a goal. But I will be taking a break on nights that I don't really have a lot of work to do, or doing it earlier.

Annnd....stuff! Greg and I live in a really small house, so its not like we can comfortably own a lot of stuff- it gets too crowded. Maybe the time is about ripe for me to sell/give/throw away some clothes and shoes. I say throw away b/c I literally have some shoes that I have about worn out with holes in the bottom and sides. Although if I threw them out now I'd have to get some more workout shoes...hmm. After a year of working with CIS, and sorting through piles of donated clothes (some good, some horrible) I am not opposed to retiring items for good. I love recycling and reusing things, but at some point it is time to say goodbye forever and just throw it out, and thats OK. (Sidebar: if you do donate to someone in need, like a homeless student or goodwill, keep in mind that if you don't want your old holey, stained, item, they might not either!! How about donating something gently used and scrapping the rest? Or, if it is for a charity event that touches your heart, give away something you really like that you've taken care of or something brand new! Just some perspectives.)

And with that, its time for me to shut down and go to bed. Happy Sunday! 

A storms a brewin!

Greeeeeen things are popping up in and around my yard...SO excited!

Confession to make- I feel super cranky! Ok, just had to get that out there. Maybe its just time to get away from all the extra noise. Noisy tv, dryer, NEIGHBORS...ugh. I am looking forward to finding some respite and solitude, just not sure when or where but I sure do need it.

Besides the sudden surge of irritability, its been a pretty pleasant weekend. Got rid of my old desk and bookshelf on thursday evening. I'm trying to de-clutter our tiny house and move some pieces of furniture around to get it all fung she-y. Also trying to make room for a small china hutch, which I have been on the prowl for. So yes, went to an estate sale and an antique shop yesterday but I didn't fall in love with anything I'd spend $50 over so yeeeaaaah...still looking. Also went to zumba toning and just about died. it was awesome. followed by a swim in my new swimsuit! BTW, if your looking for a good suit, for actual swimming, not just lying by the pool and tanning, Academy has some pretty good ones. I got a nike two piece with very specific requirements (not a tied one, shorts, long top) and I LOVE it. And yes, I do look very cute in it. I felt very justified after so much exercise in the brownie and coconut ice cream enjoyed later :)

Other news, one of my new years resolutions was to cook more budget-friendly meals at home that weren't super complicated and didn't take a million years and a whole bunch of dishes. I think I may have found the golden key (or something mystical and magical like that). My sister-in-law Shelley (who is awesome, and wonderful, and I love her to death) introduced me to e-mealz. Its this website that you can sign up for and every week it will give you five meals, directions, and a shopping list. It will also tell you how much everything costs on the shopping list!! Its really cool, and a weeks worth of groceries usually cost about $30-$40. Also awesome, you can PICK what kind of list you want, and there are tons to choose from! You could do 2 people to 4 people, go by store (me and Greg do the Wal Mart one since we shop there most), or by dietary needs- low carb, low fat, gluten free, weight watchers, etc. It. Is. Awesome! I went with the wal mart meals for 2 people b/c it suited me and Greg best, and so far everything I made from the list is delicious and, I am fairly certain Greg could handle all on his own. I didn't get a special dietary one- though there were many too choose from, b/c Greg might be sad, but I did look at some of the sample ones and those looked really good too. Some of the meals on the 2 ppl/wal mart list aren't exactly the healthiest choices, which is probably why they taste pretty good, but most are just balanced regular meals. Another great thing about them is the portion sizes are about perfect for two people who are not very good about eating leftovers- though I haven't really made any of the sides, which are usually veggies are bread. Last week I tried out the tator tot casserole (I know, sometimes we eat like little kids) and it was delicious! Also on the list is mexican meatloaf, broccoli and cheese soup, and monte cristos. Very excited about this, and hoping that our food expenditures reflect it.

Really looking forward to my day off tomorrow, even though I will likely be grading papers and making revisions on my thesis. And tuesday....hot stone massage. Oh yes, be jealous ;)

Surely knowledge and weight are positively coorelated

The original purpose of this blog was to write about my journey to weight loss and new health. However, as sometimes happens in life things evolve once the ball gets rolling, and I've noticed that over the last few months losing those grad school pounds has become less important as other things have taken precedent. I do still stand by my former statement, that a positive relationship surely exists between smarties and flabbies (at least in my case!) Ever had a day when you just felt awkward? Ok, granted I probably have more of those days than the average duck, but man today I either felt brushed off or like I was getting on somebody's nerves. I must have flipped my stupid switch on. It was a weird day, not exactly crawl in a hole and die day, just feel weird and uber conscience day. At one point I jokingly thought to myself (after I confirmed that yes, the stupid switch had been flipped to the "on" position), that heck they shouldn't have been so quick to award me any social work student of the year or congratulate me for blah blah blah...lol anyways, not to appear ungrateful but I do tend to have nagging doubts about myself, and sometimes my abilities- especially when I'm put into a spotlight and then do something stupid. So, grace from all would be good, and since I am constantly begging for it I may as well mention the importance of giving it. At the end of a long, awkward day, the thing I want most from people is grace. Grace for my slow reaction at the check out counter, grace for my inability to get dinner prepared before 9 p.m. EVER and to do other general housekeeping things, like laundry. Grace for my lack of motivation and sloth-like participation in group work and grace for myself- afterall, no one's perfect. What I am trying to say, to myself and others, is that this is a very stressful time of year, probably for a lot of people, so be forgiving and ease up a little (on others and yourself!) I know I put too much pressure on myself and am disappointed when I fall short of my own expectations- and this is just not in school, but work and at home. I have this idealization of the perfect woman- educated, profession, good with people, fun, house spotless, works out everyday and never eats fastfood. And I'd really like to be all those things all the time- I seriously lack the ability to tell people no! And it is just exhausting. My prayer tonight is to give myself a little more grace. I definitely want to be cognizant of being graceful to others as well, but as an awkward day comes to a close, I think the most important relationship I can give grace to is the one with myself.

It's all gravy, baby

As Andrew succintly put it, Boom, Done. Yayyyy awesome! I defended my thesis yesterday, and I didn't pass out/throw up/or cry (except tears of joy). I have been STAMP approved, just gotta make some changes and satisfy a million other uppity-ups, and then its on to graduation! I don't know how I would have made it through this year w/o Greg. I'd probably be starving and wearing dirty clothes if he wasn't so good at taking care of things. I'm a lucky lucky lady :) So I made my own chai tea latte at home, I have a keurig coffee maker (which also makes a whole host of other single-serve drinks) and a foam wand. Its delicious, and if you come over I'll make you one too! Saturday we finally got to work on the yard, and it was so great! Weeded, mowed, fertilized, and planted some tomatoes, strawberries, and wildflowers. Greg's going to get me some railroad ties and make a big garden bed for big plants, like pumpkins, okra, cucumbers, and watermelon. Hope hope hope to do that this weekend. Still a lot of work to do, we are getting the yard marked this week so we can start building a fence. I'd also like to build a rock patio and plant some more trees, but I'm a big dreamer on a small budget, so I have to pace myself. Random blog post, I know, I'll put pictures up soon!

Ch-ch-changes!

Spring break has passed, and what a busy busy week it was! I had a great time, though unfortunately did not dedicate much of it to that four letter foul word- "work". Instead, I went to Fredericksburg, antique shopped, played video games, and watched movies. I must be allergic to texas (or maybe just W'ford) b/c I got sick Sunday night and am still kinda feelin cruddy. But, spring break ends and life goes on! Or in my case, starts again....



Monday night, at about 3 am, I completed my thesis. Except of course, what Dr. Paris pointed out that most of us forgot- an abstract. Whoops, guess I'll be adding another page. Which, I'd rather not. Right now it is 50 pages, such a nice even beautiful number. 51 is just....bleh.



Anyways, so late late monday finally finished, reproofed for sleep-deprived errors the next afternoon and sent on to committee. I didn't quite get it in as early as I would have liked, but at this point I'm happy to have made the progress I did.



My oral defense is monday. I keep going back and forth between being so nervous I feel like throwing up, to feeling like its going to be a great experience thats not a huge deal.



Other things on the horizon....for quite a while I've been thinking about my next degree. Ok, I know that sounds pretentious, but I made it this far and before I did grad school I didn't know if I'd be smart enough for grad school. Turns out I do pretty good in grad school, by that I mean I understand the content, get good grades, and enjoy learning. Pursuing a doctorate has always been a secret ambition of mine....Doesn't Dr. Whitney or (to use my maiden nickname) Dr. Love, sound good?



So here's my ten-ish year plan. I'd like to eventually pursue a PhD. I've been encouraged to also/instead pursue a clinical degree, but if I do that I would still like to go on to a PhD program. The end goal here is to get a PhD oneday regardless. Here's my steps...and complications:

Step 1. Start looking for jobs that would support me as a PhD candidate in two years (have to work in the social work field first)

Step 2. Begin applying to PhD programs

Step 3. Work full time, take the least hours possible to complete PhD program (so will take a few years)



Sounds pretty reasonable, right? Here's my complication: babies babies everywhere!! Its like they're following me around, and they're just so darn cute! I must be getting paranoid, I'm pretty sure babies single me out at walmart to smile and wave at. Its like they're saying, "don't you want me? I'm so cute and lovable! Have one of me right now!" AHHHHH, its like a cute fuzzy nightmare. I love kids, and I'm so happy (and a bit jealous) of my friends who are having babies and are at a place in their life where they can do that. However, I've never had a "real" job besides internships, I have *gulp* as of today $62,000 in loans to pay back and I really want to achieve a doctorate degree. Logically, I know that right now its not a good idea with all of my student debt (not to mention Greg's) and the fact that I need to get my feet wet in the professional world. But also, there is something really big I at least want to start on first, and I don't want to put myself in a position where I must choose how to balance school/work/child...I've seen some people do it, and these people are just amazing, but I'd rather take the easy road.



That said, the temptation to have a million cute little Greg's is overwhelming, but not entirely plausible right now. I'm feeling pretty selfish about wanting to go on further in school, and don't think I'm willing to sacrifice on that unless I have to. I realize I haven't mentioned Greg's views during this tirade, and thats b/c he is deathly terrified of changing diapers.



In other news, I really need to go out and plant something. Garden plans to come!

Twenty Five

Wow, so it has been a loooooong time since my last update! Let me catch you up.

1. I was in Sing Song. Go Mario.

2. Thesis.

3. No wait...thats it.

So I've been a busy busy bee trying to write this paper/collect data/analyze data and I am no where near done. I haven't even gotten all my surveys back and the whole thing in its entiriety is due monday to my committee!!! (Yanks out big chunk of hair). As you all who read this can imagine, high stress situation, especially since I don't know ditally squat about statistics and will be running several statisticy-thingy tests on my data. Inhale...exhale.

Suffice it to say, when I went for my yearly ladies check-up, my blood pressure turned out to be really high for someone who had been sitting at a desk for most of the day shuffling paperwork around and pretty easy day. (I'll mention here, that I'm 25 and though I'd like to see the number drop, considered medically to be at a healthy weight for my height). So unless I can bring it down to a nice low, normal number, I will not be able to refill my meds which means....a chance of babies. My doctor explained the high risk of stroke from this situation, and so I was given a choice between lowering my blood pressure or being at risk for having babies and strokes. Hmm...I think I will lower my blood pressure!!

I imagine the big scary number was due in large part to stress. No surprises there. But, I also suspect that some bad habits that have formed during grad school could also be major contributers. I try to eat healthy most of the day- I really do, like oatmeal or cereal and fruit for breakfast, skim milk, whole grains etc. And something light and non-greasy for lunch. But its dinner that always gets me. I'm just floored when I get home, and I am not a creative cook who just whips together any thing thats in the cabinet. If I don't have an idea and the tools, its just not happening. I don't think I've used many fresh ingrediants this year- just because it takes a lot of preparation and generally a good deal of cleanup. Not a fan, its too time consuming. So, if we eat dinner at home its lately been coming straight from the freezer or the chili can. Otherwise, its off to burger king or taco bueno, and as discussed in many earlier posts, i like fast food a lot and these places and just cheap, easy, and convenient.

I've also been slacking on my exercise. I LOVE zumba- but after getting sick, and sing song I just got so behind on everything, I don't feel as though I have the time or energy to spare. Maybe a logical fallacy on my part, but I am more tired after working out even though its kind of a good, relaxed, sleep better tired. Thats just how my body has been lately-some people feel energized for the rest of the day, I need a nap.

So thats where I am at right now, and honestly I am a little worried. So what does the researched do when a problem arises? Research!

I am going to keep a log (as ordered by my doctor) of my daily blood pressure for the next month. During this time, I will be trying to cut out fried, fast foods, sweets, and cutting back on caffeine (sidebar here: I looked at several studies about the coorelation between caffeine and stroke, some said it reduced the risk, some said it increased it. To play it safe, it may be best to partake in moderation). Also, I will be trying my darndest to reduce stress. There is only so much I can do about that....remember that whole thesis and grad student thing. But, I have the option of saying "no" to activities that are stressful for me. I can't skip too much work or class, but social events, volunteer activities (yes, i still do some of those too!), and unnecessary chores are all out. I may recieve some criticism for this, but I may skip out on some church. Let me explain why....Greg and I go to Highland, and its all good. But getting up on a Sunday, rushing to make it on time, trying to find a seat (yup, that crowded), and meeting new people is in fact a major stressor in my week. So, for a while, I will be podcasting in. Next step, exercise! Zumba, and some yoga to relax.

Well, lets fold our hands and pray this works!

Birthday Wishes

Happy Birthday to.....me! Haha, well today I am officially 25. I can't believe time has gone by this fast. Sometimes I still feel like that giggly middle schooler getting in trouble for talking too much in band (love you Trina Martinez, happy birthday sister!). But the years fly by and I have done many of the things I have always wanted to do by this age, though many more are to come.

In high school a palm reader (disclaimer here, I did NOT want my palm to be read!) told me among other things that I would want to go to college, but I wouldn't be able to. I now have a bachelor's degree and I *hope* to be done with my master's degree this coming May. I've gotten to travel the world, a bit, and plan to travel much much more. I've tried things that I wanted to do but wasn't sure if I would be able to do it....and surprised myself. The same message that I've learned is one I want to reiterate again and again to the children and teenagers I work with. That, often times well meaning and well-intentioned voices will tell you things like "can't", "won't", "not able to", or warn you that its difficult or too hard, but so what? If you want it, go after it and enjoy accomplishing something worthwhile.

This kind of sets the pace for the next 25 years. This morning I thanked God for these 25 years of my life so far, how wonderful they have been, and I prayed that God would use the next 25 years, and the 25 years after that, as a gift for others. I wish I had a cool scripture in mind to insert here but ohhh well....

Anywho, to business. Well, I finally did get that one weight watchers book, and Mrs.-I-am-getting-my-masters should have really taken a closer look because its not really about the point system at all. Whoops. At least it was only 30 cents, so not much regret there. Actually, I'm kinda OK with it. Since I've been thinking about losing weight and being healthier, I've been making more of an effort to add in fruits and veggies and really think about getting dessert or whatever. Do I really want it, or is it just out of habit? I have also joined a new fitness craze and I LOVE IT! Have you tried ZUMBA? I look forward to it all week, its the best workout for me. It combines all sorts of dance and some kickboxing....mostly its just really fun b/c you get to shake your hips and its a workout (ACU people, don't freak out....j/k) Most of the moves are pretty simple and are things I learned in colorguard and baton (a million years ago, but your body still remembers some stuff). Greg and I have also been riding our bikes every chance we get when Texas gives us a weird warm day and I love it!

I am anxious to get my garden started, but I must wait until the frost ends. I plan to start in April, and Greg is going to get me some railroad ties to section off my garden. Last year (see picture up top) I planted quite a bit in quite a small box. I tried corn, pumpkins, watermelon, cucumbers, tomatoes, and some herbs. Things got nice and green at first then everything just got wayy too crowded and the pumkpins took over. So, this year, we are utilizing the vast empty space of our backyard (minus the willowtree we planted, which we are not sure if its survived yet) and trying again!! I am so excited, I am not sure what I want to plant yet, but I know that pumpkins, cucumbers, tomatoes, okra, and watermelon are all one the list. I'm going to use the box the Greg built for me last year for wildflowers, lavender, and herbs. I also want to plant a peach tree and a grapefruit tree someday, but as I've learned, trees can get a little pricey. Still excited though, any gardening tips for a novice? Advice welcome!